| Look...
My grandmother's at my house....I'm not giving a back story....
i need to vent
My grandmother is driving me insane. She has no consideration for how I feel about anything. She comes up to help me when my mother's injured, and all she can do is drive me to want to kill myself. She's incredibly selfish, never letting anyone talk or get in a full thought(contrary to my uncle who never gets out a full thought cause he takes hours to explain 1 thing),she puts on an incredibly phony act to children,explains my entire life to complete strangers who could be trying to get coffee, considers it rude when I put in my 2 cents, because it makes her opinionated story look bad. I can't think,speak,act, or be anything unless she approves of it. She wants my life dedicated to her horses. She wants me to only think onto her side. She wants me to act out her will like a religious knight. She wants to get inside my head and have me be exactly like her. And she wonders why my uncle wanted to committ suicide. She says I'm exactly like him and treats me exactly the same way and I wanna kill myself.don't call me crazy. because I'm sooooooo incredibly miserable in my situation that death sounds nice. Infact it sounds exactly like what i need right now. A nice long, worry free nap. No more troubles. No more tears. No more anger. No more amber, no more horses, no more birds, no more mom, no more rich, no more uncle lance, no more worries, no more cares, no more anything. Just me. Alone. The safest I've ever been. Happily dreaming. Inside of me. Finally at peace. Alone. No more millz troubles. No more helping people hoping theyll like me. In fact, i don't need anyone to like me. I could be happy. At peace. I won't ever have to worry about having the music up too loud, or if my guitar isn't good enough uncle lance, or my voice is good enough ms. teot and dan, or if my trumpet is good enough, or if everything's perfect chuck,or anything is good enough for anybody but me,i can sit on a nice grassy hill,there's no bugs, there's a gentle breeze,and under the tree, it's always shining, and it's never too hot even for me to ever sweat, all my guitars, a flying v, a les paul, a telecaster, and a custom made one for me, have a stand, a keyboards by the tree, my trumpet, ziggy is in the branches, in one hole there's sprite and orange soda, in another there is pizza, in the thirid theres pencils and paper. I'll sit in the tree. I'll play my guitar. Jam the keyboards, play my trumpet upside down. write songs and poems and watch the sunrise and the sunset, sit there with a soda and drink under the stars,i won't ever worry about what enyone thinks of them. Just if thier good for me. And I can be happy. No one would hurt me anymore. No one would hurt me anymore.No one would hurt me anymore, if i was dead, and dreamed I was there...... |
